He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
