So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
