I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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