Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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