After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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