i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Randomize
