Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Such a big mess for such a small penis
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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