If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Randomize
