I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
