He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
