turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
