What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
