I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
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It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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