Have you finally orgasmed yet?
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
