Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
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