I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
