dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
