it's too hot outside to masturbate.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
