this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Randomize
