You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I think we might need a safe word for this...
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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