you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
