Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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