I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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