Don't you send me to vm
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
