apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
