she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
