Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
