If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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