He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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