Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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