apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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