marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
