I am full of burrito and curiosity
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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