I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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