Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
