She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
