I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
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