you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
