She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
