come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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