So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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