I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
