I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
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If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
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At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize