youre lurking in front of me
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
