I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
