you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
