You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
