Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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