I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
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