are you still at the devil's house?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
