I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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