So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
