i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
