i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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