Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
