4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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