I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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