You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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