Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
