I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
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