I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Randomize
