I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
