i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
3 2 1 whiskey
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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