ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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