Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
