I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
