did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Do you have feelings for this penis?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
