I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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