while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
