he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
