Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
