Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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