She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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