My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
