didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
